Are you wide to………Old People?

Paddy and Irene weren't too impressed with the hotels no hats policy.

Is anyone else scared about becoming 65? Apparently this is the age you officially become old. You’re forced out of your job because someone younger and more attractive can do it better. Which is fair, to be honest. Can you imagine your Granddad serving you a Big Mac with his pants up to his nipples? That, surely has to be a health and safety violation? Or Granny pouring you shots of tequila in a nightclub at 2 in the morning. Probably best we cart them off to a house in the country where we visit them once year; usually Christmas.

Also, we have to listen to them; because, apparently they have the wisdom of the ages trapped within the folds of their wrinkles. I think there must be some sort of switch inside everyone that triggers this compulsion to tell anyone who’ll listen how life used to better in the good ole days, when a half penny could get you a trip to the cinema, some hard-boiled sweets and enough money to buy some chips for the bus home. Ah, the past, so much better than the present, where we have the Internet, wide screen TV’s and subscription porn. Lets be honest, the past was only better because you were younger and you had more sex.

Nowadays, the octogenarian generation wile away there hours pissing off us younger, more attractive versions of themselves. Why am I always stuck beyond one of them when walking around town, with those bags on wheels, which I can only assume are stocked extensively with Wurther’s original; designed to give them that pick me up (akin to a line of cocaine) when they need it.

"two lines please"

And, why in the name of all that’s sacred do we have to show them respect? Because they’re old? Is it a case of well-done, you’ve lived to be 98….Congrats, heres some cake. Some of these people could be registered sex offenders, murderers or politicians and we’re still expected to respect our elders. The word elder, itself conjures up images of sage old men with staffs discussing matters of great importance. Me hole. Go to your local pub any afternoon at three and you’ll see one old man in the corner sipping his 7^th pint wishing it would all end. Is that something we aspire to?

Not for me! I’m going out in a blaze of glory, aged 29, with my youth intact and a blonde’s breasts in my mouth. Nice.